Welcome to the healing space...inner thoughts of a healing soul....Blog day 1

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Inner thoughts of a healing soul....

    I am at a chapter in my life where I am going to start actively honoring all stages and layers of my healing and in the open…. why…. because in reality....my reality.... it hurts still sometimes…. A LOT....So very much so and I am so tired of lying and faking and trying to hide my wounds and scars and blood just to make “them” comfortable while I suffer in silence. I also think in doing so for so long I may have been hindering and slowing my own progress. 

I am no longer sorry that I am not healed entirely in the time frame you thought that I should be healed. The harder I “try to heal” as though there is an actual fast forward button to heal. The more shame and sorrow ensue because I haven’t met mine or other people’s standards or time frames for this healing. I am truly exhausted trying to fit so neatly into healing boxes that were never meant for me. 

I wish that I could just be. I wish that I didn’t have to try to be what you think I should be. I am tired of it. So tired of it. I have been damaged and surviving for so long…. decades. Yet I am expected, and I am guilty of also placing these expectations on myself for supposed healing time frames.... Time frames that are possibly even able to be done in only a fraction of that time??

Labeled as guilty for “taking too long” or “dwelling on the past” or “not moving on from old chapters” AS though anyone would ever volunteer themselves to any longer suffering than has already been the burden to carry?? I am going to stop caring that I may bleed on your pretty garments…. or wet them with my tears…If you don’t like it…. then move away from me already find your sun. Mind your business and let me heal in my time. I will find the sun one day, more consistently than what is given. 

But for now, I will honor my healing journey in the time frame my soul allows.

I do know that I am healing, and I believe that I will continue to heal because even though it still hurts a lot sometimes......it doesn't ever hurt the same. When Triggers from people, smells, environments and more can cause it to resurface old memories and feelings, that’s surely still a very vulnerable place to be. And its ok to admit that and to feel that. To be Vulnerable is not weak, to be vulnerable to oneself is to understand that having patience, tenderness and compassion that it takes to give oneself to truly heal....is the most “sacred holy healing safe space”.

Even though the rehashing may bring this vulnerability in front of others trying to explain why it still hurts.... You can be proud of yourself and know that it is not for them that you allow this but for honoring the journey of your “healing space freedom.” Welcome to the healing space.... Welcome to your healing journey.




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Stay Alive. You are loved. You are wanted. You are needed. Keep going. I believe in You. love you, Desert Rose.

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