breaking the cycle pt3: A Letter from the Cycle I Repeated

 

A Letter from the Cycle I Repeated

I didn’t know I was repeating you.

I didn’t know that the strength I admired in my mother was also her fear. That the silence she wore was not peace, but protection. That her forgiveness was really a survival tactic wrapped in scripture.

I didn’t know that in trying to become different, I became the same. That I married the same kind of man. That I stayed for the same reasons. That I kept quiet, like she did. That I endured, like she did. That I tried to protect my children, like she tried to protect me.

I didn’t know that calling it love didn’t make it safe.

I thought if I could just love enough, serve enough, pray enough, forgive enough, I could fix it.

But I couldn’t.

Because love without truth is not love. Because peace that costs your soul is not peace.

I see it now. I see her now. And I see myself.

We both just wanted to survive. But now, I want more than survival. I want healing. I want truth. I want joy without begging for it.

So I forgive the past—hers and mine. I hold grace for what we didn’t know. But I choose something new.

The cycle stops here. The silence ends here. The girl who stayed too long found her way out.

And the woman she became—is learning to live free.

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32