chapter 16 Becoming the Safe Place I Never Had (Creating the sanctuary I longed for—within myself.)

 

Chapter 16: Becoming the Safe Place I Never Had

(Creating the sanctuary I longed for—within myself.)

Quote:
"And she realized she didn’t need to be saved. She needed to be seen, held, and reminded she was never too much." — Unknown

Verse:
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." — Psalm 46:1

Anchored Truth (Essence Mindset)

Safety isn’t always about where we are. Sometimes, it’s about who we are—and who we choose to become for ourselves.

For so long, I searched for someone to make me feel safe. I wanted protection. I wanted gentleness. I wanted someone to say, "I see you. I won’t leave. I’ll hold space for all of it."

But no one came in the way I needed. And somewhere in that grief, I learned something sacred: I could become that place. I could mother myself. I could build a home inside my own heart.

We often learn love backwards—through the ache of its absence. But that ache isn’t empty. It’s a map. A guide. And it led me here.

To softness. To presence. To warmth. Within me.

Glimpse of the Story:

There was a day I sat on the edge of my bed, heart pounding, tears spilling. I had just tried to express something vulnerable to someone I loved—and it was met with silence. Again.

The rejection was subtle, but it echoed every other moment of being dismissed, overlooked, or emotionally abandoned. I reached for my phone to call someone, to make the pain go away. But I stopped.

This time, I didn’t run. I didn’t beg. I didn’t numb.

I got up, walked to the mirror, and whispered, "You’re safe with me."

I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, lit a candle, and sat in stillness.

That moment didn’t erase the ache, but it changed everything. For the first time, I didn’t abandon myself. I became the calm I was looking for.

Prayer / Love Note:

God,
Thank You for staying when others couldn’t. For being the stillness in the storm, and the shelter when no one else offered one.

Teach me to be that shelter for myself.
Let me become what I never received—not out of bitterness, but from the overflow of healing.

Let me remember:
I am allowed to rest.
I am allowed to feel.
I am allowed to need.

Stay alive. Don’t give up. You are needed. You are wanted. You are not alone. Keep going. I love you and I am there with you. Begin again. I love you always and forever.

Amen.

Reflection & Encouragement:

Have you ever waited for someone else to make you feel safe, seen, or loved?

What if that someone was you?

Today, ask yourself: What would it look like to become the safe place I never had?

Speak to yourself the way you needed to be spoken to.
Hold space for your feelings as a loving parent would.
And remember, healing is not becoming perfect—it's becoming present.

You are the sanctuary now.